An explosion of fear and doubt erupt within my mind, and I know, I know, I know that this is what was to be expected of school and now and here, and I need control, control, control, because I can't concentrate I'm too busy being afraid, afraid, afraid. Hands shaking, heart beating, eyes darting all over the place as I frantically try to make up for that which I lost, lost, lost. Please, please, please make it stop I beg of you, beg of you. Can you, will you, do you understand this eruption of fear and shaking fingers which can't even begin to type properly, never, never properly. But I have to deal with him and her and THEM and this FEAR, so much FEAR and the doubt that I'm ready, have been ready, ever will be ready for this, because it's to much, it's all just too much and resentment and anger rises up within me, over years and years of carefully constructed maturity which fades in the blink of an eye like THAT. Nails painted black, eyes dull and forward, cold, cold air on my skin raising my skin and hair into stress and clean, clean beauty, but mostly fear and the inability to cope with anything and everything and it's just all too much.
- Current Mood: scared